It's Hard For Me To Say I'm Sorry
by chocolate-colombo
Summary: James didn't expect for a childish argument with Kendall to end up like this. This story was written for Big Time Rush One shot day on February 6, 2012.


**Okay. My first BTR one shot. I can't break away from angst! Grrrr. It's addicting to write!**

**Enjoy!  
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><p>"Kendall how could you?" James yelled after receiving a call from Kelly. James' solo was replaced by Kendall, which of course, greatly upset him.<p>

The green eyed blond raised one eyebrow. "It's not like I do these things on purpose James!"

"You're a liar!"

"Why are you getting so upset over this?" Tension had filled in apartment 2J as Kendall said those words.

"Because Ken-DORK," James said, getting in Kendall's face. "It's like you live off Gustavo's attention!"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Whatever, James." He started walking away. "I'm gonna head down to the lobby."

James grabbed his wrists. "I'm not done."

"Well I am," Kendall said. He hated in when James overreacted over the smallest things. As much as he tried to release himself from James' grasp, Kendall couldn't. James was serious this time, and Kendall was forced to stay and bear through the entire thing.

"Gustavo always praises you, and all you do is talk back and disrespect him! You have it so easy, and the rest of us actually have to work hard for his approval!"

Kendall snorted. "So that's what this is about?" He smiled, seeing as how ridiculous James was being. "When Gustavo first signed us on, he chose me. He only let you in because I forced him to. When Griffin wanted a "bad boy", he chose me. He's named me the "leader" of this group, and you can't stand it."

James kept silent as he let go of Kendall's hand. "Drop dead," he said after an awkward silence filled the room. "Just die, Kendall."

Kendall smiled, seeing how ridiculous James was being. "You'd miss me. You know where you would be without me?"

James rolled his eyes. "I know your dad would still be alive."

The usually bright green eyes became filled with anger. Kendall took a swing at James' jaw, sending the brunette to the ground. The look on Kendall's face told James that Kendall had regretted that action, but his pride wouldn't let him apologize.

Kendall stormed out the door without saying a word. James watched as the door slammed shut.

James cursed under his breath. "Great going, idiot." James didn't want to say those things. The car accident shouldn't have happened, but it did, and Kendall still blames himself for it.

He decided to shrug it off. Kendall had anger issues, but usually he's cool if you give him some time to cool off. He plopped on the orange couch and turned on the TV, waiting for Kendall's return.

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><p>Kendall didn't know where he was going. He roamed around the city, stopped at a coffee shop, and then a park. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get James' words out of his head.<p>

He found himself at the mall. He roamed around as that fateful day played in his mind.

_Eight year old Kendall repeatedly looked to his mother and baby sister. He was at a peewee hockey game. His dad had promised to be there, and his father never broke a promise. So where was he? Kendall couldn't focus on that right now, as James passed him the puck. Kendall was quick and scored. The buzzer went off, the game ended, and Kendall's team won. Again. James and Carlos skated over to Kendall in celebrating. Kendall scored the winning goal for the third game in a row. Surely his dad wouldn't miss that._

_Once they reached the house, Jennifer Knight put Katie to bed, and led Kendall to the kitchen._

_"Where is he? Where is he?" Kendall asked as he jumped up and down. "He said he'd leave work early to see me. Where is he?"_

_Jennifer was truly worried. "I-I'm sure he got tied up, honey." What she didn't tell Kendall, was that she repeatedly called her husband's cell phone, all calls ending up going to voicemail._

_An hour later, Jennifer sent Kendall to bed, and she tried her husband's cell phone another three times with no success. She heard knocking at the door, praying that it was her husband. Instead, two cops stood on her porch._

_"Jennifer Knight?" the blue eyed cop asked. She nodded wordlessly. Too afraid to speak. "This is regarding, your husband, William Knight. I'm sorry. He was in an accident. He didn't make it."_

_She gasped, tears already forming in her eyes. "What? No."_

_"I'm sorry," the officer said again. "Witnesses said he was speeding. He was DOA."_

_After sending their apologies once again, the officers left. Jennifer turned around, only to see her son standing a few feet behind. He'd heard the whole thing, and it was very evident that he was crying. "Kendall," Jennifer breathed out. "I'm sorry." She ran up to him and pulled him into a hug._

_"It's my fault," he said. "He was worried about running late so he promised he'd come to my game quickly. It's my fault."_

_"Not it's not, sweetie. It's not your fault."_

_"Yes it is!" Kendall yelled and pulled away from her. He ran upstairs back to his room. Jennifer heard the door slam. She knew he'd refuse her comfort tonight. She'd talk to him again in the morning._

Kendall sighed, seeing as how his stroll around the mall wasn't helping him at all.

He walked out of the mall and began to slowly walk back to the apartment. He knew the boys would be freaking out right now, James included.

"Hey pretty boy," Kendall heard a voice say. He turned to his right and saw three wanna-be thugs leaning on a wall. He rolled his eyes and continued walking. "Aw, c'mon. You're gonna just ignore me like that?"

Kendall stopped and turned to them. "Yup," he said confidently. He turned and kept walking. He felt a large hand grab his arm and turn him around. He was looking straight into dull brown eyes, full of anger. "Let go," he said as threatening as possible.

"I don't think so," the thug replied. He looked to his two friends and they all laughed. "Get him," he commanded his red headed friend. Kendall tried fighting them off, but the red head was holding back Kendall and had a tight grip on him. He lost the upper hand as various punches came his way. Kendall was overpowered, and he couldn't do anything about it.

The red head let go of him after a while, but at that point, Kendall could barely stand. He fell to the ground as he knees gave up on him. He thought the three guys would leave, but apparently, they were just getting started. They began kicking him, laughing every time he grunted in pain. Black circles danced in front of his eyes as breathing became more difficult.

"Okay guys," Kendall heard a voice say. "We're done. Johnathan, drag him over there." Kendall didn't know where "over there" was, but he couldn't stay conscious as he was dragged to the designated spot. He was thrown on trash bags, so he figured that it was the side of the building that he had passed before.

Kendall heard the guys leave. Then everything went black.

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><p>James checked his watch for the fifth time in the past two minutes. Kendall had been gone all evening. He'd never been gone for that long, especially when he knew that they had rehearsal tomorrow. He called Kendall's phone twice, but the calls went to voice mail. "C'mon Kendall where are you? Your mom's looking for you. You could at least answer her calls!" James threw his phone on the couch.<p>

"Nothing?" Katie asked as she walked into the apartment. James shook his head and she sighed. "What did you two fight about?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Look, I needa find him. I gotta make this right."

Katie ran up to him. "Lemme go with you."

"No," James said. "You need to stay here in case he comes back. If Logan and Carlos hadn't been on their dates, I would let you. But they're not back yet."

Katie nodded. "Okay." She made her way to the couch and James left the apartment. He'd asked people if they'd seen Kendall, and the answer was always no.

James walked everywhere that was close. If Kendall didn't use a car, he couldn't have gotten far. "KENDALL!" he yelled out. James growled as he pulled out his phone. Still no calls from anyone. He called Kendall's phone again.

_"I like it like that! Hey! What's that sound? Chillin with the radio on!"_

James heard the familiar ringtone close by. That was Kendall's phone. It was no coincidence. He dialed the number again and followed the music, a little afraid that he was being led to the back of a lone donut shop. He walked in further, only to see a lump on the ground near the dumpster.

"Kendall!" he yelled as he ran to the body of his unconscious friend. He got on his knees and held Kendall's body close. "C'mon, Kendall. Wake up, buddy!"

James lightly tapped Kendall's face. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Kendall's eyes fluttering open. "J-James?" Kendall asked in a weak voice.

"Yeah, buddy. It's me." James held him tighter. "We needa get you to a hospital, okay?" James pulled out his phone and dialed 911. He rambled off the location and Kendall's condition and hung up. He held Kendall tighter.

"H-hurts, James. My r-ribs. C-can't breathe."

James felt his eyes watering. "I'm sorry. For everything. I didn't mean what I said."

Kendall coughed. "It's okay, James." He gritted his teeth in pain.

"No it's not okay. You're here because of me." James didn't fight the tears falling from his eyes.

"I think I hear sirens," Kendall said, only to be coughing once again. "Thanks."

"Thanks? For what?"

"You're a good friend. You s-saved me," Kendall said. His battle to stay conscious ended as his eyes closed and he went limp in James' arms.

James couldn't help but panic as he saw Kendall pass out from pain and exhaustion. The ambulance arrived and the EMTs ripped Kendall out of James grasp. He watched as they loaded Kendall on a gurney. He rode in the ambulance with them, never letting go of Kendall's hand.

Kendall never failed when it came to forgiving his best friends. He knew that when Kendall forgives anyone, everything will be okay. And that's something James will never forget.

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><p><strong>Hmmmm. How'd you like it?<strong>

**Lemme know in a review! :D (609,843,083,123,687 points for the people who figured out what Kendall's ringtone was!)  
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